For those of you that have been following my journey for a while there are two truths I have been quite open about:
- I am a hopeless romantic. I believe in real-life fairy tales and soulmates. I believe that one day I will be completely swept off my feet and be more madly in love than I could ever imagine.
- I have struggled openly about my past heartache and fear that fairy tales may never actually happen for me. Fortunately, as I become more mindful, I take a moment to breathe, calm my anxiety, and convince myself the best part of fairy tales is the prince always finds a way to get to his princess.
My current relationship status has stayed status quo for the longest period I have ever known. I have had a couple of short-term flings, but nothing has passed the 3-month “let’s plan our future” mark. Thankfully this means I am finally being choosy. I am saying that I am better off being awesome and single than in a relationship to force my fairy tale ending and avoid self-imposed speculation that comes with being a single mid-30s woman and imagining people thinking “I wonder what’s wrong with her?”
Love yourself first and everything falls into line. – Lucille Ball
Although I would love to be married, mother, and hopelessly in love Kim, I also really enjoy single, sole puppy-parent, selfish and completely in love with myself Kim. Here’s why:
- I listen to terrible music. I have an eclectic mix of indie, pop, and soft-rock ballads. When I am feeling a song, I can listen to it non-stop, repeat, 20-times in a row without getting sick of it. I get to do it and no one wants me to play something different.
- I love wearing unflattering comfy pants and oversized T-Shirts. At work or going out with friends, I am a very well-dressed person. I have more dresses than pants, I have drawers of jewelry and racks of shoes and purses. At home, I have a fashion alter-ego that appears and she encourages me to choose comfort above all else. No guy would ever swipe right on my tinder profile if they saw this look.
- I dance ridiculously while I am cooking. See the above comment about the terrible music, now imagine a mix between Carlton from Fresh Prince and Elaine from Seinfeld dancing. I believe most their moves are in my own routine. Arms up in the air, hips moving in unsynchronized jerking, all while cooking up a stir-fry.
- I have a lot of energy and a fervor to do ridiculous activities. While most people are wanting to chill out on their weekends, my energy level gets pumped right up. I hike in the mountains. I scope out odd events in the city, like adult science day, or improv theater, or star watching at the observatory (“I didn’t even know the city had an observatory”). I love doing really unique things and I don’t have to convince a significant other to try things out with me.
- However, my downtime is completely boring. Watch TV? No thanks, I would rather sit, read one of the many books sitting on my coffee table while drinking tea. When I do watch Netflix it’s Friends re-runs. Yes, I’ve seen them all, so I know I don’t have to fully pay attention when it is on.
- I work whenever the mood strikes me. This year I enrolled in evening coaching courses, weekend development courses, and launched a new blog and website. All of this requires a lot of time and energy. I believe in work-life balance and I would never cancel a commitment with someone or choose work over spending time with the person I love, but since I love writing I do it whenever I am having a creative moment. I watch my homework videos in the middle of a Saturday afternoon. I write while I am eating dinner on a Tuesday. I work on me whenever I feel like it and never need to consider anyone else’s feelings.
- I can change my nutrition habits. This month I decided to be a weekday vegetarian. I have chosen to stop drinking for an entire month because I want to. I never have to cook two meals, I never have to watch my partner open a bottle of wine and feel temptation win over. I can try so many things without convincing someone to sacrifice with me.
- I learned to be fully happy with my own company. Yes, I do have conversations with my dog (she has her own specific voice), but often it’s just me, and I like it that way. Several months back I wrote an entry Why I Travel Alone, and all of that, plus more has continued to develop.
When my prince does come I know I will not choose him because I am lonely, I will choose him because it makes me love myself even more.
Whether you are in a relationship or not, what do you love best about being on your own?